Goat Drama, Resilient Chicken, and a Felted Heart Tutorial just in time for Valentine's Day!

Make a felted heart brooch for Valentine's Day! 
This sweet confection features Swarovski Crystal Yarn and Hand Dyed Velvet!

  A MONTH OF LESSONS LEARNED

I have had some productive  time in the studio lately, but I gotta tell ya about my critters before we get to the Sparkle. I know, I know...you came here for the Heart Tutorial and you shall have it!  All in good time, my pretty...

Meet Sophie.  She eats garbage.

See, it has been an unusually weird few weeks at Pat's Funny Farm.  First, one of my goats got scary sick.  Second, my  husband reached the end of his rope.  NO MORE CANINE MAYHEM! NO MORE FOSTER PUPPIES!    He requested a break from the noise, the shedding, and the expense until March.  OK, fine, I could wait until March. So what happened last week?   He sauntered home with a scruffy, hungry, flea bitten street pup, that's what happened!  The funny thing is, he loves her!  He is always the last to be smitten, but this silly thing has his heart.  He insists that we  find her a permanent home, but is doing nothing to make it happen.  This should be fun to watch. The third, and most delightful weirdness....Teeny Tiny Mutant Hen has been accepted by her peers and actually laid a Teeny Tiny Egg.  Seriously.

THE GOAT DRAMA

It started with Dolly, my milking goat.  Now, I am the first to admit that I am no Goat Expert.  I started pining for goats shortly after falling in love with poultry, so I did what I usually do....Charge Full Speed Ahead and Figure It Out as I Go Along.  The strategy has met with a modicum of success, thanks to Mama Google.

But...

...sometimes I do not know what I do not know. and SOMETIMES that lack of knowledge can cause harm.  It is very humbling to realize that your ignorance caused someone you love to suffer unnecessarily.  Such was the case with my sweet Dolly, who has gotten thin over the last month or so.

It didn't cause major concern initially because I knew that Milking Goats are typically thin.  However, she started looking too thin, while the other goats were decidedly plump.  Her behavior had not changed, and her temperament was as congenial as ever.  Hmmmm....I decided to feed them separately to make sure Dolly was getting her fair share of the grain.  I added some high fat, high protein sunflower seeds to her regimen and continued to monitor her.

Dolly is feeling much better!

One day I noticed a slight tremor as she hopped on the milk stand.  Uh Oh. The breeder and I figured it was a Vitamin B12 deficiency, so I hightailed it to the feed store and got some into her.  She was noticeably worse the next morning---could barely stand, refused to eat---Freak Out Time!   Dr. Sarah came to the Funny Farm and figured out right away that Dolly was seriously calcium deficient.  HUH?  A lack of calcium caused THIS?  It had never crossed my mind.  The grain, alfalfa pellets, and hay that she has been getting have not been enough for her.  EEK!    It took almost two weeks, but  she is finally back to her silly self.  

It was a scary lesson, but I learned it, for sure.  No more calcium deficient goats on THIS farm!

THE MUTANT CHICKEN ISSUE

Mutant Hen #1 with Mr. Fancy Pants, my favorite fuzzy rooster.

In another glaring case of not knowing what I did not know....I purchased two juvenile  Minorcan hens at auction and immediately put them in the coop with my youngest flock. Big mistake.  It didn't take long to realize that the Newbies were sick and I was lucky that they did not infect the entire flock.  They went into quarantine and it took several months before they recovered from the nastiness they brought with them. 

They grew healthy but they did not grow physically---the illness had permanently stunted their growth! The Teeny Tiny Mutant Hens were rejected by the other chickens and spent their days wandering around the property looking like dejected little crows.   Life went on and ultimately one became a dog toy before I discovered that there was a hole in the fence.   (Another lesson learned just a wee bit too late, but I digress...)

Life has not been easy for the remaining mutant hen.  There are three separate flocks on the homestead: The Big Ass Rooster and his Haughty Hens, Mr. Fancy Pants and the Not Quite Cool Hens, and finally, the Total Loser Hens.  Teeny Tiny couldn't find a home with any of them.  Every single rooster ignored her and even the Total Loser Hens pecked her brutally if she dared get too close. The poor thing was a really lonely critter.  It was like watching Middle School Mean Girls torment The Dork With Glasses! Ugh.  I wondered whether it had been a mistake to spend months nursing a $7.00 chicken back to life, if THIS was the life she was gonna get....

I spent extra time talking to her and feeding her special treats in a ridiculous attempt to give her some confidence and build up her Chicken Self Esteem, all to no avail.   She has dealt with her sad lot in life, but I am happy to report that we have had some interesting developments lately!

One of my juvenile roosters just appointed himself The Big Man of The Loser Group. He is reaching maturity and has the Street Cred to make some important changes.  He has granted Teeny Tiny Mutant Hen status as an official member of The Loser Group and the other hens know better than to peck her now.  She is permitted to hang at the outskirts of the flock ....never on the same perch, but at least in the same general vicinity. The rooster is very proud of his little harem and opens a Big Ol' Can of Whoop Ass on any rooster that gets too close to his gals...even Teeny Tiny Mutant Hen!  She is clearly aware that she is on his team.   They like her!  Right now they like her!  [Age Revealing Sally Field Reference]

The Teeny Tiny Mutant Hen is the one to the bottom right, near the Rooster

Yup, Teeny Tiny has finally found her place in the world.  She belongs! 

*Happy Sigh*

Another added bit of Totally Cool...after a barren year and a half she laid her very first egg!  I couldn't believe it! I had given up on that possibility a long time ago!

 For those of you whose acquaintance with poultry is limited to the packaged meaty parts found at your local grocery store, let me explain that there is a bit of ceremony involved in egg laying...the girls become very vocal and prance a bit as if to say..."LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT WHAT I JUST DID!"   So...I looked.  Much to my surprise and delight, Teeny Tiny  was the hen doing the Happy Dance---a mutant no longer!  I ran to the nesting box and sure enough....there was a Teeny Tiny Egg laying with all of the others.  It took her an extra year, but she is now a working member of the team. Whew!

 Life has a way of finding a way, doesn't it?  *Happy Sigh*

TUTORIAL:  FELTED HEART WITH EMBEDDED VELVET

I gravitate toward projects that are highly detailed, intricate, and time consuming.  Unfortunately, not every Crafty Gal has the time or the inclination for those sorts of endeavors and frankly, sometimes it is fun to have some instant gratification!  The heart pictured here can easily be completed in an afternoon.  Add a pin back and it becomes a brooch,a hat pin, or a component for a cuff bracelet.  Mine is destined to be a small element in a larger home decor project.

Felt making is a very forgiving craft with a great deal of room for individuality.  The directions provided reflect my technique and it works for me.  I think it will work for you.  You might have learned a different way to do things...go in peace, my sister.  There is no right/wrong way to craft.  Have fun and teach someone what you learned!  'Cause after all, it is all about spreading the crafty love....

TECHNIQUES:

needle felting, wet felting, bead embroidery, ribbon embroidery, and a wee bit of crochet if you wanna!

 

THE TOOLS:  

Felting Foam

Felting needle

Bubble Wrap, 12 x 12 inch square

Toile netting, 12 x 12 inch square (get it from Joanne Fabrics, runs about $1.50 a yard)

Embroidery needle

Beading needle

Fireline Beading Thread

Soap solution (how to follow)

Hand Towel

Rubber Band

Note:   The Tools are available from the sources linked, and/or your favorite bead shop and/or big box craft store.

THE INGREDIENTS:

A few grams of Merino Wool

A gram or two of silk throwsters waste

A gram or two of silk top

4 inch square of hand dyed rayon velvet

A tiny bit of lace (I used a one inch square)

A tiny bit of cotton gauze (I used a 1x4 inch strip)

3.5 x 3.5 inch piece of ultrasuede

A yard or two of hand dyed silk ribbon

2 yards of Swarovski Crystal Yarn

18-24 Swarovski Crystal 2mm round beads (Article 5000)

18-24 Swarovski Crystal 3mm round pearls (Article 5810)
A few inches of Swarovski Cupchain
Assorted seed beads and nailheads
Embroidery thread

Note:  If the ingredients list looks intimidating, don't fret!  Raid your own stash and simply go where inspiration takes you!  Don't have the time or the inclination?  No worries, I can make it easy on you!  Check out my Etsy shop for the kit that includes all of the ingredients that you need to make the heart as pictured.  

The Recipe:

Part One:  Needle Felting
Place some wool on the felting foam.  Manipulate the wool into the shape of a heart by punching the needle firmly through the wool and into the foam.  These needles are wicked. sharp so do not take your eyes off of the needle for even a second.  They have tiny barbs and hurt way more coming out of your finger than they do going into your finger (and they hurt plenty going in, or so I have been told).  You will watch as the fluffs of wool take on a denser appearance with repeated needling.  [Note: I made my heart approximately 4 x 4 inches, because I wanted to wind up with a heart that was approximately 3 x 3 inches.  The wet felting process will shrink the piece by up to 30% so you should start with a piece slightly larger than you would like to see as the finished product.]  Needle, needle, needle.  In and out, In and Out.  DO NOT LOOK AWAY!  Needle, needle, needle.  In and out, In and out.  Gently lift the heart up and turn it over so that you can needle the back.  Lift up the heart. Do you see any bald spots?  Add some additional wool and needle it!

Look closely and you can see the needle holes....

Now for some color and texture....Cut a heart shape from the velvet.  Don't get too crazy over this part...a  heart-ish shape will suffice.  It should be slightly smaller than the wool heart.  Place the velvet on top of the wool.  Hold down one edge of the velvet with your non-dominant hand and very carefully needle the velvet into the wool.  You are working on a very small piece.  Your hands are very close together.  One hand is holding a sharp needle and the other is NOT wearing a protective glove.  Do not look away!  Needle, needle, needle.  In and out, In and out.  The purpose of the needling is to get the velvet and the wool used to the idea that they are going to hook up.  This is an arranged marriage and the little holes you are needling will give the wool a hole through which to migrate so as to penetrate the velvet.  Yup, they will meld together and the two will become one.  Sounds kind of naughty, doesn't it?  See...Felt making is fun!

Now add a bit of lace and cotton gauze.  Put them where they tell you they want to be.  Seriously.  If you listen, your pretty pieces will talk to you.  Needle, needle, needle.  In and out, In and out.  You know the drill.  Whoo Hoo! 

Part Two:  Wet Felting:

Cover with netting

Wet it down

Your fibers should now be connected, although the bond is somewhat fragile.  If you sew, think of what you have just done as the basting stitch.  Now you need to wet felt the heart to create a permanent bond.  Place the bubble wrap on the towel, bubbles side up.  Put the heart on the bubble wrap and cover with netting.  Sprinkle warm soapy water onto the heart.  I make a soap sludge by chopping up a bar of olive oil soap and adding it to a 1/2 gallon of boiling water.  You do not need to go to that degree of trouble for this project.  Simply squirt some dish detergent (Joy, Dove, Palmolive, etc.) into a glass of warm water.  Stir and sprinkle on your heart.

Press your hand onto the soggy heart so that the water is forced to migrate through the fibers. Gently roll up the entire project, excluding the towel, into a fiberlicious jelly roll and secure the roll with a rubber band or other tie.  I used a piece of t-shirt in my scrap pile.  Slowly roll the package back and forth the width of your work surface. Short, sharp rolls are not good.  Long, meaningful rolls that extend along your arm are what we want to see.

After the first 25 rolls, the heart is misshapen

Fiberlicious Jelly Roll

Roll 25 times,  up and back counting as one roll.  Take a peak!  Fiber shrinks in the direction that it is rolled, so you will see the heart is becoming a bit misshapen and elongated. No worries!  Simply rotate the heart by a one quarter turn clockwise and roll 25 more times.  You can remove the netting by this point.  Rotate and roll two more times until the heart is back to its original position.     It should have returned to its pretty heart shape.  Note that the more you roll, the more pronounced the wrinkles that will develop in the velvet.  Feel free to use scissors to trim the piece, if needed, but make sure that you rub the cut edges against the bubble wrap to seal the fiber wound that has been created by the cut.  Rinse the heart and towel dry.  Isn't it adorable?

Part Three:  Embellishment

This is the tricky part of the tutorial because no two felted hearts are going to look identical.  It would be silly for me to direct you to place your Swarovski cup chain exactly where I placed mine.  Who cares?  Felt Making allows you to take a kit project and truly make it your own.  So, rather than make this a color by number project, I will share with you the things that I consider when I reach the embellishment stage.  It is my favorite part of the project because this is where cute becomes sublime! 

Endeavor to pull out the stops by adding a balance of texture and color. I find that placement of the first beads is usually the most difficult decision for me, so I generally just bow to the pressure and follow a natural line of the piece.  Accordingly I stitched some 3mm Swarovski crystal sequins down along the left side of the heart.  The flash of sparkle against the warm and fuzzy textile is visually gratifying to me.  Once I committed to that initial bead placement, I found that the other beads told me where they needed to go.  I know, I know!  It sounds like kind of an artsy fartsy/hippie chick sort of thing to say, but I am amazed by how often that is the way it goes.  Plus, I am kind of an artsy fartsy hippie chick. 

I wanted the brainy velvet to stand front and center, so chose to use only a sprinkling of Swarovski 2mm round beads sewn into the rivulets created by the ruching.  Swarovski crystal cupchain is easy to stitch on to any textile and because it is a linear component, it made sense to follow the line already created by the crystal sequins. The cream Swarovski pearls and seed beads made a strong statement when I added them to the top right.  I liked them but found the bright spot disconcerting until I muted the color by balancing it a bit with the addition of cream pearls to the opposite side.  Additional texture is achieved by some well placed french knots made from hand dyed silk ribbon...

...and so it went for an hour or so as I listened to the sparkle direct my hands.  Occasionally my muse went silent,  so I simply walked away for a moment to pet the dog and throw on a load of laundry.  The process works for me and I hope it will work for you.

You can call the job finished at any point, but I like to cover the ugly backside so that the stitches don't show, you know, kind of like covering your tush so the cellulite doesn't show.  I mean, really, who wants to look at that sh*t?  I took a bit of ultra suede and traced my felted heart onto it.  I then used a blanket stitch to attach the pieces together. A whip stitch would suffice, but the blanket stitch makes it easy for me to crochet a little border around the heart.  I used Swarovski yarn, which is truly a decadent treat.  My favorite is the Dorado and, although it is pricey if you want to knit a sweater, a mere two yards will turn this project into something really special.  Add a pin back to turn it into a brooch, sew it onto a card for Valentine's Day, add a jump ring and call it a pendant.  Truly, the possibilities go on and on!

Have fun and send me a picture of your creation!

Crafting is uncomplicated joy.....Pass it on!

Ugly Hands, Silly Goat, and an opportunity to Win a Book from Kalmbach!

I have a confession to make....it is more silly than salacious, more vanity than anything else, but the truth of the matter is...I have ugly hands.  REALLY ugly hands.  I keep my nails short and try not to draw attention to them.  Mind you, this is not something that the occasional manicure would cure, although it probably would help a bit.  I tend not to remember to wear gloves when gardening, to protect them when cutting glass, or even to slather them with moisturizer on occasion.  I am always a little embarrassed when I meet someone for the first time and have to stick out one of my scarred paws for a handshake.  No doubt, my hands are the most abused body part of my body.  My liver is scoffing, but it is true.  My hands are a wreck.  The thing is, years ago, back when I was a pretty young thing capable of the scorn and derision particular to teenagers, I knew a woman--an old lady who I did not respect at all---sporting  hands that looked a whole lot like the hands I have today.  Her hands really freaked me out and I can actually remember the visceral disgust I felt when looking at them.   

UGH!  GROSS!  My God, Woman!  Take care of yourself!  

I vowed that I would  never, ever, ever have hands like that!!!  Except that I do...Life is funny that way, isn't it?

I was in the airport recently on my way home from the Houston Quilt Show and was sitting at the gate, working on a beaded cuff to pass the time before my flight was called.  I looked up at a group of women making their way to nearby seats.  These gals looked to be about my age, although their 50-ish looked MUCH better preserved than my 50-ish.  No sensible shoes for these ladies!   Stiletto sandals, long hair, full lips, perky boobs....and beautiful hands.  Turns out that the flight following mine was heading to Los Angeles.  Figured...these gals were clearly not from Lutz!    I continued to sew Swarovski crystals onto the cuff, listening to bits and pieces of their conversation, most of which revolved around calories and exercise.  Zone Bars?  Personal Trainers?  I was a stranger in a strange land, indeed.  I felt one of them staring at me so I looked up and smiled.

She complimented the bracelet I was wearing and started to ask questions about my work.  She appeared genuinely intrigued and wanted to touch everything, trying on this piece and that piece while I explained the felt making process.  My flight began to board so I gathered my things, and as I walked away she said something that made me laugh.  She told me that I had "working hands" and that she was glad to have spoken with me.  She told me that I "had such a pretty face," but that it just didn't seem to "go" with my hands.  She had not been able to reconcile the two.  Once we had spoken and she realized that I was an artist, it all made sense to her.

I reflected on the conversation during the flight home.   She was right...I DO have working hands! Yikes!   I had been away from the garden for a week and there was still dirt under my finger nails!

....and yet, I cherish these old, worn, damaged hands....

They bear the scars of roughhousing  with the sharp toothed puppies that have crossed my path over the years...those that have become part of my family and those that I have fostered on their journey to find a special family of their own.  There are burn scars from meals that I have cooked for people I love, and jagged scars earned while cutting tile and glass.  I got my most recent scar a few weeks ago when I was bitten by a Brown Recluse Spider while working in my wood shop.  The doctor told me I could lose my hand....now THAT was scary!  Ugly as they are, my hands have created beauty, they have wiped the tears from the faces of my sweet children, and rubbed the back of the man I adore. They have served me well over the years and I have learned to love them...most of the time!

In a funny twist of timing, I recently had an opportunity to peruse a killer new book, Crystal Jewelry Inspiration , compiled by Karin Van Voorhees.  It features the work of thirty Ambassadors with Swarovski's Create-Your Style program and I am honored to have a project included in this gorgeous book.  Karin had asked me what my favorite tool was and I had forgotten my answer until I saw it in black and white on page 45:

"My hands, of course!  Ragged and worn, they serve me well."

Yup, they really do!

YOU CAN WIN A COPY OF THIS BOOK!!!  Simply comment on this post and you will be entered for a chance to win a copy.  Hurry because the drawing is Monday! The book is jam packed with gorgeous photos and detailed instructions for every project.  There is a heck of a lot of talent between these pages....you will NOT be disappointed!  Better yet, make sure to "Like" Kalmbach's Facebook page so that you can be the first to hear about their exciting new offerings!  

Of course, life isn't all about artsy craftsy stuff in my world.  We had a major bit of excitement recently when Ruby (the black goat pictured on the right) took a ride in the back of my Suburban to meet her new boyfriend.  I was as nervous as could be, worrying that she was too young, too small, too pure for such an endeavor.  HAH!  She acted like a wanton vixen, chasing the poor buck around after the deed had been done (and done.  and done.  and done.....) until he finally lost his temper with her.  Oh dear.  Could I possibly have a Goat Ho on my hands?   Our fingers are crossed that she is pregnant and we are hoping for a June baby!

Rhinebeck Sheep and Wool, the Attack of the Dirty Towel Girls, and a Recipe, Too

A wonderful thing happens when women gather around the crafting table.  Conversation, laughter, and creativity make for a convivial afternoon.  Burdens grow lighter, moods grow happier, and everyone  leaves the gathering with renewed energy and purpose.  I was blessed to have the opportunity to participate in four solid days of such warm and wonderful crafty community at the Dutchess County Sheep and Wool Festival in Rhinebeck, New York.

While we had one rainy day, the remainder of the show was postcard perfect.  This Florida girl misses changing seasons, so it was a thrill to see the leaves!!!

These wonderful ladies refused to let a torrential downpour dampen their creative spirits!

The schedule was arduous...but the women were AMAZING.  We played with hand dyed wool and soapy water to create lovely felted soaps, bohemian chic felted hoop earrings, and nuno felted scarves and shawls worthy of a runway!

My pal, Monica Durazo flew in from Tucson to assist with the classes. We met in Tucson during the Gem Show several years ago.  I hired her to do a felting demonstration at my booth at To Bead True Blue because I was anxious to add Fibers to our product line.  I quickly became a fan of Monica AND felt making!  We make a great team and often teach together.  Her assistance is invaluable when navigating a large classroom with twenty students each at her own table, but there is an added bonus for the workshop participants.  Felting is a very organic, individual pursuit. The rules are somewhat fluid and there are many opportunities for experimentation.  Monica and I have very different styles and techniques, which we both share freely, so students enjoy the benefit of having two different points of view, which is always good. 

Nina Birnbaum's use of color and texture was amazing!

One of the highlights of the workshops was the ability to use spectacular Swarovski Crystal Elements in every creation!  Swarovski sponsored my workshops and the ladies were delighted to have the opportunity to bling their creations!  While many chose sew on stones to embellish their pieces, others were happier to simply iron on the glitz. I have to say, as a former embroidery snob, I have definitely learned to appreciate the ease of Hot Fix Swarovski Crystal!

The hardest part?  Choosing what sparkle to use!!!  The ladies had quite a palette from which to select: Swarovski Crystal Sequins, Chessboard Stones, De Arte Sew Ons and more.  It was a veritable treasure trove of Sparkly Crystal Goodness!

 

So many Crystals, So little time! 

 My favorite part?  Watching the gals step "outside of the box" to try colors that might be a bit bolder than their norm, to add crystal to a garment that they would previously have considered functional rather than ornamental,  to LET GO and push beyond their comfort level!!!  It takes courage to step outside of ourselves and these ladies had it GOING ON!

Check out the organic flow of Monica's masterpiece!

I wanted to steal Alice's creation for my closet....it was FABULOUS!

Jan uses Swarovski Crystal to sparkle to her dramatic fringed scarf.

Barbara Giguere's use of color was an inspiration but it was her ribbon embroidery that made this scarf really come to life.  The photo does not do it justice.  Check out the killer Bakelite buttons on her sweater. 

It was a thrill to see the ladies modeling their nuno felted scarves!

The nuno felting definitely created a visual BUZZ when the gals walked the fairgrounds, but there was other felting magic happening as well.  The fiber hoop earring class was a great opportunity to learn how to felt over a hard form, which left the gals with skills that would extend well beyond a pair of earrings!  It is the same technique that I use to felt lamp bases and candlesticks!  After all, Felt is a spectacular medium for home decor.  It was fun to hear the ladies in my Felted Soap class talking about all of the holiday presents they were going to make when they went home.  It is a good thing, because I sent each of them home with plenty of fiber, Swarovski Crystal and soap!

Cindy Perry shows off the soap she made in class.  I wish I had a picture of the beautiful shawl that she made the following day!

Felted Soaps with Swarovski Crystal make AWESOME hostess gifts!

Jane used drama in both her flowers and her scarf!

While the event was a resounding success, it wasn't without a touch of drama!  Monica and I decided to do some felt making in the hotel room but had forgotten to pack extra towels for the job.  I use Acid Dyes which will only stick to protein fibers such as wool and silk, so I decided to use the hotel towels.  They were 100% cotton and I knew that they would wash clean.  We were busy little bees buzzing around the hotel room at 2:00 in the morning making felt and reconnecting.  It was great!  Until it wasn't.

See, I forgot about the formerly white hotel towels that were now sporting shades of pink, purple and yellow.  The ones that I left on the floor of the hotel bathroom. The ones that caused the housekeeper great anxiety and forced her to alert hotel management.  RUH ROH!

 Imagine my surprise when the director of the show appeared at my workshop tent to discuss the "Towel Incident."   My room was stripped of linens and the hotel management was in an uproar.  YIKES!  I was the bad girl!!!!   I am NEVER the bad girl!!!! 

My first time at Rhinebeck and now Monica and I were known as "The Dirty Towel Girls."  Sigh.

Monica and I turned the hotel room into a studio!

 I offered to pay for any damage and promised that I would take care of it.  The workshop participants knew that something was going on, so I had to confess.  They all thought it was a hoot and there were lots of giggles as we imagined how we would negotiate the remainder of the trip without sheets or towels.  Happily, by the time we returned to the hotel, the towels had been washed, the dye DID NOT stain, and we were allowed to have linens once again.  The manager even provided extra towels for that night's In Room Felting Extravaganza.  WHEW!  The Crisis was averted, but I fear that I will forever be known as The Dirty Towel Girl.  It could be worse, I suppose!


I got back from New York late Monday night and am leaving for the Southeastern Animal Fiber Festival in less than 24 hours.  I cannot wait ... I will be teaching three workshops and am lucky to have Swarovski sponsoring those as well.  The students are in for a sparkly treat!

Time is tight as I try to re-organize and re-pack for this trip.  Hubby is feeling a tad neglected and I want to make sure that he gets a nice home cooked meal before I leave again.  One of my Go To recipes when I have too much to do but want to create a meal that looks like I spent a whole lot of time in the kitchen is Shrimp Pasta. 

SHRIMP PASTA

8 ounces of pasta

One pound of shrimp, cleaned and deveined

½ cup of olive oil

8 cloves of garlic, chopped (don’t be scared by the amount of garlic…it works!)

2 or 3 dashes of soy sauce

Salt and pepper to taste

½ cup of white wine (I sometimes substitute sherry, or use a bit of each)

2 cups of heavy cream (I use whipping cream)

Tomato sauce (about a half a cup…..I eyeball this one)

Optional:  crab meat (canned is fine), red pepper flakes (if you like a little fire)

Cook the pasta until ALMOST al dente.  Drain.  Lightly saute the garlic in olive oil in large sauce pan.  Do not brown the garlic.  Add wine, soy sauce, heavy cream, salt, pepper, tomato sauce, and a sprinkle of red pepper flakes, if using.  I generally like the soft to be a soft pink, not a full on tomato red.  Stir.  Add the shrimp (and crab if you have it) and the linguine.  Stir gently and cook over medium high heat until shrimp are done and the pasta is cooked.  Serve at once.  The sauce can be a little runny, but don’t worry…it sets up beautifully.  A ridged pasta noodle works great because it “grabs” the sauce.  YUM!

Story Book Kitchen with a Side of Goat Poop

Oh, Boy.   I might have overdone it a bit this time around....I mean, I have always been one to fill my days to the point of bursting, but I usually juggle it pretty well.  Not so this go round, which has had me firmly entrenched between Chaos and Mayhem for months. You know how it is...you are buzzing along, pretty much on cruise control and then BAZAAM!  One sucker punch right to the kisser and your carefully  planned life slides out of control.    The Chaos was Happy Stuff and the Mayhem was primarily Animal Stuff, with a wee bit of Family Drama thrown in for fun....Mostly it was all good, but it has been very busy as I have learned to navigate new challenges and life cycles.

First,  I had an opportunity to add a third goat to my urban farm.  I was a bit nervous about it since the Barn Yard Neighbor Hate Letter Incident, but I hadn't heard another complaint and I really, really, REALLY wanted a Goat that was "in milk."    Heidi-esque visions of  fresh milk and homemade cheese intoxicated me.  Hell, I might even learn to yodel!  I brushed off remaining trepidations about how I would fit "goat milking" into my busy life. Dolly is an angel...easy to milk and very affectionate.  She is milked twice a day, which is manageable, kinda sorta.  It has definitely taken more time than I had imagined, so schedules needed to shifted and expectations adjusted. There was a very real learning curve.  Truth be told, I spend a lot of time scraping goat poop off my shoes,  the 7 p.m. milking is occasionally done in my "going out" clothes,  and my back yard plants have been decimated by the girls, but I wouldn't change a thing!   

Unfortunately, goat pooped shoes are incompatible with a white tile kitchen.  Similarly, dogs who run through the  kitchen after a short swim followed by a quick roll in the dirt are equally incompatible with white tile floors. I have four large dogs, and usually a foster Rescue pup or two thrown into the mix.  This summer I also had Atlas, my son's energetic young Boxer.  Are you counting? 

7 dogs running in and out all day.  White Tile.  You get the drift.  So, after months of grumbling and mopping  I decided to take matters into my own hands, literally.   I laid a mosaic floor over the white tile in my kitchen and back porch.  I painted the worn cypress kitchen cabinets a happy green and had new tile installed on the counter tops.  The space now looks like an illustration from a vintage story book that has come to life.  It is probably too much color for most folks, but I love it.  Best part---I only have to mop three times a week instead of seven!  

The entire project took about six weeks and the visual pollution wrought by construction carnage damn near killed me.  The effort was huge, and I still have black grout under my nails, but the results make me smile every day.

I had the tile under control, and was developing a nice rhythm relative to animal care......until a friend turned me on to the Raw Meat Diet for dogs.  I was complaining about the dull, flat, itchy coat on Poppy.  Poppy is my latest foster dog turned adopted dog...a weird little guy, but I love him.  He has a high pitched  bark that is annoying beyond belief, he eats pillows, socks and Other Important Things with impunity, and he looks like a tootsie roll with legs. 

He has a neurotic, effeminate, showy personality and should more properly be named Liberace, but I really get a kick out of him.  Anywhoooo.... Poppy, a lab/whippet mix, has skin allergies and was sporting a number of bald spots.  My friend urged me to switch to the diet she was feeding her dogs:  raw chicken necks, raw chicken backs, rice, and hard boiled eggs.  She  promised shiny coats, clean teeth, healthy weight, and---best of all--- smaller poop.  Smaller Poop????  I have lots of big dogs so the thought of smaller poop was almost as intoxicating as the thought of fresh goat cheese!  Hmmmmm....How much trouble could it be???

A whole hell of a lot, at first!  Fortunately, I muscled through it until I got it  it down to a manageable routine...spending about two hours a week traveling to the meat packing place and another hour or so cutting up dead chicken parts.  A rice cooker makes rice production Easy Peasy and with twenty five chickens, the eggs are no trouble, either.  I have two shelves in the freezer  filled with dog food, and my refrigerator...well, that is another story!

My pups have lost  weight they needed to lose, Poppy has a bright, shiny coat, and ....[drum roll, here]....the poops are indeed smaller.  There is no tarter on any teeth and best part....it is less expensive than the food I had been feeding them previously.

Once again, I have a positive outcome accompanied by extra demands on my time...but who has the time?  In between all of the above silliness, I had more company over the last three months than I have had in the last thirty years combined, as well as out of town celebrations and commiserations.  Throw in menopause and business deadlines.  It has been one whirlwind  after another forcing me to think long and hard about making some changes to simplify my life.  I contemplated ending my time as a Foster mom to little dogs in need of rescue.  I  briefly pondered getting rid of the goats.  I considered---for a nano second or two--- a hiatus from my weekly fiber group.  I worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with the crazy life I had created when my out of town teaching gigs heat up over the next few months.  The nagging doubts have turned into a clamor and I have been more than a little overwhelmed.  

What to do?  what to do?

I recently returned from a business trip and as I endeavored to restore order to my house and to my life,  the answer became clear.  I enjoy the whacky world I have created.  It can be stressful and overwhelming, but it is joyous and happy, as well.   I found my center again as I went about my business...filling feed buckets and mucking stalls, cutting chicken backs, and rubbing dog bellies....watching newly hatched chicks learn the way of the world and trying yet again to wean not so baby goats off the bottle.  I love it.  I gotta have it.  It gives me peace. 

Yup, it really is THAT orange!

Happy Sigh.

I think that I am simply going to do what I always do when things get out of control:  Slow down if I can, pray for more patience, and enjoy the rhythm of the chaos.  Laugh a lot and cry a little.  Bend when I need to bend and stand tough when I need to do so.  Oh, and try to remember NOT to go for a dramatic hair change when I am a hormonal mess.  



....so that's what I've been up to. 



It's all good....I am even contemplating adding a fiber goat to the barnyard...or maybe some purple highlights on my next trip to the salon! 

Barnyard Neighbor, Poppy Socks, and a Killer Salsa Recipe

Chillin' with Poppy and Cooper

Sometimes I stitch on fiber, other times I stitch with beads.  However, the most important stitching that I do is relative to the fabric of my life...an unexpected giggle with my daughter, a shared moment with my husband, a bit of inane silliness with my dogs, or a chance encounter with the neighbors.  I haven't gotten much creative stitching done in the last week because it has been filled with those Life Stitches....and I have the bruises and the warm fuzzies to prove it.

Last Tuesday I was going through the mail and found a note from a neighbor.  It was mean spirited, awful and --worst of all---anonymous.

OMG!!!!  "Neighbors for Peace & Quiet"?????    WTF?????   Really?

It was a Gut Punch.  I probably don't need to describe the feeling that immediately came over me.  Talk about Harshing my Mellow!  The sun stopped shining, the rooster seemed to crow even louder, and every single neighbor became a suspect...who could have written such a hateful note?

Was the whole neighborhood really against me?   We don't have a homeowners association or deed restrictions.  Was I truly an inconsiderate Barnyard Neighbor?   I didn't think so...after all, I asked permission from my immediate neighbors before embarking on my animal husbandry adventures. Sure, my rooster crows.  I cannot hear him if I am inside my house so I am pretty certain that none of neighbors can hear him from inside their homes, either.   My dogs are always by my side and I have a fully fenced in yard.  They run up to the fence and bark at passersby, but they stop when directed to do so.   Ugh.   I like to live in a state of grace...happy with my life and at peace with those around me.  I felt as though I had been pushed from that place and I was riddled with anxiety.  Yuck...the angst was awful.

Sharing my picnic with my pals

I obsessed about it to an embarrassing degree for the next several hours, finally calming down enough to pray for a bit for guidance.  It is funny....I notice that when I am at my most emotional, my brain is at its least functional.  Does it work like that for you?

...but I digress....

The rules regarding animals in the area in which I live are somewhat gray, or at least enforcement is relatively lenient.  Six families on my street have chickens!  Most have at least one dog. Admittedly, I am the only one with goats, but what the heck...they are really cute, my husband lets them in the house more often than I do, and I love 'em!  They are family, for goodness sake!

So....I wrote a little note of my own.  It came from my heart and was certainly not anonymous. I hand delivered copies of both notes to every neighbor who could possibly have an interest in what happens on my little speck of dirt.

The  BarnYard Neighbor responds.....

I armed myself with fresh Bribery Eggs, put on some lipstick, and made my way around the 'hood.  I delivered 40 notes in all and then poured myself a big ol' glass of Merlot.  I was kind of nervous... I lead a rather hermetic lifestyle.  My husband and I stick to ourselves. We are more the "smile and wave" kind of neighbors than the "let's organize a block party" kind of neighbors.   It could go either way.  I drank another glass of wine and decided to Let Go and Let God.   It didn't take long for the responses to start pouring in....

People that I have never talked to picked up the phone to offer support.  Some proffered opinions on the identity of the mystery writer, while others shared neighbor horror stories of their own.  One lady told me that the rooster makes her smile every day, reminding her of her youth on a farm.  Another neighbor offered to take up a petition, while yet another did some quick legal research to bolster my position.  I even heard from one of the guys who had made my suspect "short list."  [True Confession:  It was a humbling phone call because my suspicions were so misplaced.]  He told me that while he "didn't have a dog in this fight," he did not like that an "anonymous coward lied about speaking for the whole neighborhood."  He thought it "only neighborly" to tell me that he didn't "give a darn" what I did on my property.  Call after call, email after email....all offered support and encouragement.  The local Neighborhood Watch guy even conducted his own informal investigation to see if I was, indeed, a neighborhood menace.  He assured me that his interviews revealed that HE was the only one who had a problem with the rooster, although he promised me that he was not the author of the note.  He admitted that he only heard the rooster when he was outside in his yard.  I mentioned that I thought his overzealous use of lawn equipment might label him a serial leaf blower.  He  laughed and backed off.  In an over abundance of caution, I delivered fresh eggs to his house this morning and will do so weekly hereafter, with fingers crossed for continued harmony.

So there you have it.
 
Oh!  ...and I think I know the identity of the fellow who penned the note.  Oddly, he was never on my suspect list at all.   Nonetheless, I received some eyewitness information from three different sources, all pointing in his direction.  Moreover, several other neighbors have received anonymous notes that spew hatred....a boat in the yard, a barking dog, an RV sitting in a driveway....each has been enough to earn a hate letter.   While the guy appears quiet and unassuming,  he yelled at one neighbor for her barking dogs and even went so far as to say that she "belonged on a farm."

Hmmm...I am no Sherlock Holmes, but.....She belongs on a farm?  I am a barn yard neighbor?  The agricultural references kind of point in his direction, but I will never know for sure.  I have never seen him smile and he has never returned my wave.  I have always felt a bit sorry for his wife, who seems nice enough, but now I feel sorry for him, too.  I cannot imagine living  with a heart so full of anger and I pray that  he finds his way.  Life is much happier with a peaceful heart.....  

...and chickens.

...and dogs.

...and goats.

All in all, it was an amazing experience.  It was great to realize that my neighborhood really IS the Nirvana that I thought it was...an incredible oasis of Old Florida independence in a sea of concrete and busybody homeowners associations.  The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming and the rooster is crowing.  All is well in my world...for the moment!

Poppy Socks?!!

My husband and I were in Atlanta last week-end and while he was getting dressed I heard him say

"Dammit!  I hate Poppy Socks."  

HUH?  It took me a second to clue in....

THIS is Poppy:

 

THESE are Poppy Socks.

Oops...Sorry, Honey!

 and SALSA, too!

Summer is coming and in our house that means that there is always fresh Salsa in the refrigerator.  This is a tried and true recipe that is easy, delicious and addictive!

Fresh Salsa

6 large tomatoes

2 avocados

1 red onion

2-3 cloves of garlic

1 large red, green, or orange pepper

3 sprigs of cilantro

3 basil leaves

ground pepper, sea salt

several tablespoons of lime juice (to taste)

2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar.

jalapeno pepper (optional...very spicy)

Throw everything into the food processor and coarsely chop.  Chill before serving.